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Me and the guys

by JWP

Tw: Suicide, 3rd person sucidal ideation, sucidal ideation, descriptions of mulitation, gore, vauge sexual themes

 
I don’t believe I am a good person. 
Believing that is counter productive. 
That would mean i'd have to hold myself up to a certain standard, 
And I try. 
By god I try. 
I do my best, 
Who doesn't. 
But i mean my brain wouldn't allow me to feel like a good person. 
I have these simply horrid thoughts and feelings. 
Things i don't talk about to anyone ever. 
I know exactly why 
Well i dont do i 
 You should kill your self 
You should kill your self 
You should kill your self 
Oh this guy. 
You should kill your self
How many times it that now, four?
 five
Ok 
I hate these thoughts
They activley disgust me 
Why do I need to see ‘that’
Why cant i talk to any one 
Why do you hate yourself so much 
Your just pepetually setting yourself back you know
You should  look after yourself, go talk to your dad 
I know your lonely but you need it 
If you hate life so much you just kill yourself 
Ive tried 
Oh you're no fun 
Just do it 
I just want to be ok.
I hate my brain 
I just… 
The thoughts are so much 
Kill your self 
So are they 
I just feel so gross for thinking 
Im repulsed by how it makes me feel
I keep on scaring myself just to edge myself on 
God even my dog hates 
Why dose everyone hate me
Kill yourself
You should really 
  just kill yourself 
Kill your self 
Kill your self Kill your self Kill your self Kill your self Kill your self Kill your self Kill your self Kill your
self Kill your self Kill your self Kill your self Kill your self Kill your self Kill your self Kill your self Kill your self 
I get it, jeeze
You should pry yourself in half, make a slit from your thought to your pussy and
tear yourself in half, open your self in half, that would be hot, that would be really fucking sexy
 Yeah i get it, you used to be nice you know 
Im sorry 
Why i am i like this
I just want some piece you know 
All i want is some normality is that too much to ask 
It is, 
Your expecting far to much of something you know will never be true 
Kill your self 
You know you will always be ill 
Kill your self 
You know how this will end and it will not be pretty 
Kill your self 
Just keep your head up 
Kill your self 
Your doing ok, keep going 
I don't even know why i try with you guys 
It's like banging my head into the walk 
Man my voice wants kill me and/or fuck me
I think i just keep on sinking further into depression
Its so hard to change 
You should talk to your dad
I dont really want to to be honest 
You should though, your just romananting 
God i want to die 
Life is so stressful
I just want to rest
Rest is all i need 
But whenever i rest i feel so useless and it doesn't work 
 Go talk to your dad 
Fine. 

i worte this as a 16 year old virgin

by JWP

Tw: Vauge sexual themes, objectifation

I do not crave personal satisfaction
I have no desire to feel human
I am not an object worthy of love
I am an item for you to pick up and to smile at

I have no aspirations
I have no desires
I am not an object worthy of love
I am here to bring joy

I have no personality
I have nothing to offer
I am not an object worthy of love
I am nothing great

I want to be an object for your enjoyment
I want you to use me till you've had your fill
I am not an object worthy of love
I want you to tear me apart

I want to be an object for your desires
I want you to hurt me
I am not an object worthy of love
I crave it more than you do

I want you to use me and abuse me
I want you to make it hurt
I am not an object worthy of love
I want you to know this is all i am

I want to make you happy
I just want you to tolerate me
I am not an object worthy of love
I want you to be well

I have no wants
I have no needs
I am not an object worthy of love
I just exist for you.

BUGS, FEAR, WAIT, WATCH

by JWP

Tw: parronia, bugs/insects

 
Bugs
Bugs follow me 
Bugs will eat me
Bugs have horrible plans for me 

Fear
Fear Complete 
Fears no feat 
Fear consumes me entirely 

Wait
Wait and watch
Wait for me 
Wait don't let your guard down

Watch 
Watching me 
Watch always 
Watch until I'm not ok

Bugs 
Bugs will vanquish me
Bugs will hurt me
Bugs I can't escape from 

Fear
Fear in my skin 
Fear in my bones 
Fear I won't live much longer 

Watch
Watch patiently 
Watch vigilantly 
Watch out for me please 

Bugs
Bugs follow me 
Bugs will eat me
Bugs have horrible plans for me 

Bugs
Bugs in my skin
Bugs eating me 
Bugs won't stop

About therapy

by JWP
october 23rd 2025

I don't enjoy it,
It's necessary though.

I go to every session,
It's necessary though.

I lie,
It's necessary though.

I hold so much fear in my heart,
It's necessary though.

I struggle with my brain,
It's necessary though.

I rarely feel good about it,
It's necessary though.

I rarely feel ok with it,
It's necessary though.

I've been in it for so many years,
It's necessary though.

I don't like I've been getting better,
It's necessary though.

I think it might be ok, one day,
It's necessary though.

I'm not sure anymore,
It's necessary though.

I'm not sure,
It's necessary though.

It's necessary…

loser

by JWP

Tw: Vauge sucidal ideation, depressive themes

I should've never tried
Life's a losing game
Get worse and worse
I just want to be maimed

I lose touch with my emotions
Lose touch with my brain
I don't want any body
I don't want any fame

I just dig my hole deeper
I just scream in to the void
I don't understand what's happening
Of reason I'm devoid

In headlights

by JWP

Tw: Very vaugly implied sexual assult

In the headlights you have control
Your hands make the choice
You control my fate and you don't care
You will take my life indirectly

In the headlights I will be maimed
My corpse will be left for display
I will lose my humanity
I will lose my mind

In the headlights you will face no consequences
No judge
No jury
No execution
Just the way it goes

Congrats,you ruined yourself

by JWP

Tw: depressive themes, mentions of rotting flesh and maggots

Congrats you ruined yourself!
Rejoice in your new found filth

You did this to yourself
You know what you did
In excruciating detail, you know

Go wash yourself
Your soul is filthy

You are the flesh maggots adore
Make sure your tasty for them
your rotting flesh should be the best

You are gross
You are disgusting

You have made yourself hideous
You are your own abuser
You did this to yourself

Please know
This is your fault

the post traumatic dilemma

by JWP

Tw: depressive themes, surviours guilt

 
Drowning in wealth and all things good, I suffer.

I live in abundance, 
I consume all placed before me.
There is perfection in my every atom, 
I have it all!

It's so easy, 
My bed is neat and tidy.
My house is warm.
My body is clothed.
My dreams are in reach.
I am loved..

But i am dying inside, 

I used to live in perpetual state of fear and i am safe now
There is no more danger 
I am ok 
I have no reason to feel like i do 

Its so hard to live like this 
My bed dosen’t feel safe, its were i go to rot away
This house is full of awful memories i cant escape 
I don't feel comfortable in any of my clothes, no matter how baggy they are
im sacred if i reach my dreams that i wont escape everything else 
I know I'm loved but I can't help feeling like I'm not. 

It's so stupid.
Im safe,
I'm ok.
My life is so fucking great..
 
And I can't bear to live anymore…
How fucking dumb is that.